..intoxicated

so intoxicated...

everything is smooth; it flows...

no bumps, ripples, or turns.

just elevated.

no longer in longer in control.

...breath in deep

so intoxicated...

calm, serene, lazy motions.

relax; let everything go.

cool breeze through the air.

...breath in deep

so intoxicated...

words grow long; body turns limp;

eyelids grow heavy; just laying in feathers;

moves all in slow motion.

...breath in deep and pause

so intoxicated...

blanket my emotions.

exhale the negativity.

eyes grow sultry.

voice drips of passion.

...breath in deep

so intoxicated...

feeling the back and forth rock;

the hum of unheard music;

dreams from a daze;

natural forces take over.

...breath in deep and hold

so intoxicated...

feel all the power leave your body;

just everything growing weak, with no control or fight;

unable to refuse the ultimate take over.

...relax, wait, breath in deep

so intoxicated...

aware of nothing.

cares have no home.

just feeling good,

all -- all over.

words serve as no description.

all I can do:

is breath in deep,

gaze out, and just exhale

as all the tension leaves me;

because I am...

...so intoxicated.

Paradigm of Parodies: Paradise, Peril, and Peace by ACE Jaunty is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License

Living on Island Free

This morning I awoke to the ocean breeze on an island that I have named "Island Free".

When I sat up to look out and think about this new day it was so easy, everything seemed so clear. For a moment, I thought it was all wrong and I asked myself, "How did I get here...here to this place of such peace?" Then I realized, it's because I stopped. I stopped expecting people's emotions and actions. When I stopped expecting people to do something that I wanted them to do, it all became easier. You can't disappoint me when I never placed my hope there. Sure I'd like for people's actions and emotions to be the way I desire, but I will still be okay if it doesn't happen that way. And when a person does say something or do something that I like or makes me smile or makes me feel special or makes a decision in my favor, I know that it is a moment...a moment that I will forever own. You cannot hope in people or hope for people; you can only hope to people so as to transfer this intangible force so one will see the simple joy in life-pleasing one's self. So what makes up you? I know what makes up me. This is why I'm so calm. This is why I'm so at peace. This is why I do what I like, do what I want, live my faith and give my way. I'm having fun because in the end, it's just me who stands...just me alone and my hope is within me and that alone makes me so free. This kind of peace becomes so eerie sometimes but its such a great feeling to always lively live on Island Free.

'Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is.
The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.'
~by Edna Ellison~

He rewrites

Now that was mystical…
I was just doing my thing
And when I looked down
God changed my words
I wanted to say it one way
And thought I did
Until I read it again
God said what He wanted to say

I once said all I do is listen; He writes.
But now I see, sometimes...he rewrites it all for me.
Because I don't hear it right to write it right.

Paradigm of Parodies: Paradise, Peril, and Peace by ACE Jaunty is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License

Everywhere but No Where

"This jot is everywhere, but I am no where living lies."

This may very well have been my laziest month I have ever had in my life. What I consider lazy people would actually not be able to make it through one day. But I needed this break. I was on the grind for so long that once I accomplished my goal I realized how weakened and drained I was. I just wanted to breath and take in the feeling of accomplishment. I’ve been going hard for too many years. So what have I been doing…I’ve been letting the rain drown me and my body has bonded with the Earth. As a result, I have so much to write. There has been a lot to ponder. There is a lot that I still cannot even make out in my head so I know I can't even make sense of it on paper. However, I stay with Nature; so that I can stay clear and the ink will show on portrait.

QUESTION

This jot is no poem just some answers and insight for the world. I’m going to address the questions I’ve received from those who read the things that I write. Questions like, “Are you okay? Why do you want people to know what you think? I think you are trying to find yourself.” and a host of other questions that make me perceive the person’s motives as uncertain because they have no clue whether or not I am borderline insane or crazy. But rest at ease…for me to be this deep it scares the average person and they can only label me as insane or needing help. My response: “Don’t read my words to figure out my soul and who I am. I am only I am."

ANSWER

People experience multiple emotions over the course of the day. I truly believe we have emotions that the English language has no word to yet express it.

I write what is in the atmosphere. I write what comes into my space. I build on the emotions that are in the universe. Every jot I write, builds from something my senses catch a hold to that break into my subconscious giving my conscious the drive to sit still and capture. When I first started this blog I said, “I listen and He writes.”

Paradigm of Parodies: Paradise, Peril, and Peace by ACE Jaunty is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License

Staff of Silence

I don’t need a beat for my words to live. I’ll flow on the staff of silence breaking through the cords cuz my vocal is enough. I have no lies to tell and no fairy tales of my life. I can’t ever say I had the “normal” life because I have no other comparisons.

I just want to tell my truths. I just want to inspire. I just want to educate. I just want to help focus. I am the same day after day; but day after day changes for me. For you to know my struggle between my spirit and my self would make you wonder why I don’t let my spirit live and just kill my self myself. But eventually my self will be killed and my spirit will live on. Meanwhile, I’ll just flow on the staff of silence.

I was always taught to listen, watch and learn, and don’t say shit. But instead when it counted I didn’t listen, I was the show to watch and I never said shit because that would at least keep a lil bit of attention off me. So now when you don’t see me on the dance floor, I’m facing the door sipping a short glass of Private Stock or Firefly. That’s the only constant between my self and my spirit is my staff of silence. When I do speak—believe me, it is intentional because I’m not in a position where I have to speak to everybody. And most would say I’m bipolar on a given day I may be all smiles and then with my shades on there is a coldness that even a polar bear can’t handle.

I don’t listen, I experience life. Because I didn’t listen I was sick from something I could have avoided. Because I didn’t listen, I have habits I can’t let go of. Because I didn’t listen I still drive when I’m over the limit…speed and spirits. ‘Cause I don’t listen I still do it my way. ‘Cause I didn’t listen I still don’t make use of the barriers. ‘Cause I don’t listen I’ll lose it all and gain more than I ever thought I needed. Cause I didn’t listen I’ll pay for doing the same sins again and again. But I’m just talking over a staff of silence and this will probably just deafen ears and the only ones who’ll hear me will be deaf.

But I’m a functioning story of working through the pain, working through sin, working through the struggle, working through the closed doors, working through the failure, working my way to Heaven….you’ll never hear me say ‘woe is me’ because I don’t weep for longer than a minute. I’m painting my real life and folk still see it as a fairy tale. They even call my career imaginary…haha, friends even nickname me Tommie…

That’s why I’m so deep b/c I don’t say nada…always thinking, always twisting my thoughts on the cerebral rollercoaster just trying to work through…always just vibin’ to the randomness in natural sounds. Silence is good for me; I tend to hold my peace. What you see is not what you get. The best interpretations are through reflections on the staff of silence.

Paradigm of Parodies: Paradise, Peril, and Peace by ACE Jaunty is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License

I am never alone

[performed at my first Spoken Word segment in of all places church (St. Paul Missionary Baptist Church on 5/24/2009]

Seems like I’m always crying because I’m alone
Seems like I can never have the one that I want
Just when I thought it would all be better to know who would be my own
That’s when the tears got worse
Because I can’t have him in my own time
Oh God, it hurts so bad
Why’d you have to tell me
I know I asked, but I really didn’t wanna know
Now I know and I can’t have him
I know and I can’t be with him
I know and I can’t check my emotions
I know I can’t live alone
I know I don’t want to be by myself anymore
I know that no other man will do
Everyone around me’s getting married and having kids
And no me because I’m all alolne
God, I’m tired of living on my own
I’m tired of doing it on my own
God why’d you tell me when you knew I couldn’t have him
God why’d you show me when you knew it wasn’t time
God why do I have to deal this and no one else knows
Why can’t you give him the words to tell me from his lips that he know what you showed me
God I can’t do this alone anymore
I’m strong, but I am too weak
God I know what you want me to do
But it’d seem so much easier if I truly had him behind me
God I can’t take it anymore; please take away my emptiness
I can’t be by myself;
I can’t sleep by myself anymore
I know I can’t;
I’m just looking up for you to help me God
I need you;
I need you God to help me grow up and grow out
Because it is your work that I need to be doing
I this now because you haven’t given me my mate
There’s more that you have to change in me
There’s more that I have to LET YOU change in me
To prepare me for the next stage of my life
God if I trusted you to tell me my mate
I have to trust you with my wait
I’m trusting you with my emotions, my steps and my decisions
By giving you total control over my house
I know I’m not what I used to be
But I’m getting to where you need me to be
I know you are here in me
Because the state I’m in now is different than before
I’m living with you God
I know I have to focus on one life
And I’m aligning my life with you to make it one
Through my tears and my weakness
My God, you are my strength
And with time,
Just in time
I know you will give me all that I need and desire
Because with you I am never alone
I am NEVER alone



Paradigm of Parodies: Paradise, Peril, and Peace by ACE Jaunty is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License

I AM only I AM

How would you describe evidence of things that just go right and work?

The solitude and best answer would simply be “success”.

That is what everybody keeps saying my life is. But I don’t see it that way at all. The only thing I do is just live. I know what I don’t want to do, I know what I don’t want to have, I know where I don’t want to be, and I know what I don’t believe in. I have no single thing I want to do, I have a massive collection of things that I want to do and I have no clue about exactly where I am going. I know that I want to do it all and I know who I am.

• I am confident when I know the subject at hand and self-conscious when I am in an environment I never knew, but I am confident in knowing how to engage myself in learning new things.


• I am adventurous in trying all types of activities in a variety of scenarios and I am afraid I’ll embarrass myself by failing horribly making people laugh and stare at me, but I push myself to do it anyway so I’ll know what it feels like to try something new.
  
• I am smart because I know how to apply myself and found the avenues to cultivate my brain, but I don’t know a lot about any one thing and I don’t consider myself intelligent only creative.
• I am slightly arrogant which makes my walk look stank and my persona seem unapproachable when I don’t smile but I’m that way because I’m afraid if I don’t someone will hurt me emotionally or invade my space without an open invitation.
  
• I am attractive with a jaunty flair that pulls visual attention, but I hate when people gawk because it makes me self-conscious and it makes me nervous that something may be wrong with my outfit.
• I am a gadabout who is addicted to traveling for cultural exploration and simply getting away from home but I do it more because there is no one at my home and when I’m not relaxing or mind searching I don’t want to be there.
  
• I am happy with every experience and memory because I don't regret anything that has ever happened to me good or bad, but I do cry when I get overwhelmed with emotions of confusion, loneliness, and sadness; it never solves anything but it makes me feel better.
  
• I am nice because I believe in karma and I want people to be nice to me, but I am not always in the mood to talk to everybody.
• I am talented in a variety of areas and can have my choice in doing any number of careers, but I don't love any of my talents.
  
• I am gifted in writing and designing but I give neither one exclusivity because I am afraid of what might not happen.
  
• I am loving in all types of relationships because I value people, but the lasting love God has buried in my soul longs for my mate.
  
• I am patient, after not being able to rush anything, it has made me start taking my time, but I fear time will not tick in my favor.
  
• I am spiritual in knowing there is an omnipresent Creator and the Bible serves as a great guide for life, but I am not religious.
  
• I am free in spirit, in soul, in life, in nature and in me which people term "deep" but I see it as not having tunnel vision and looking beyond what I can only touch.

I am only looking at who I am; I am not looking at the exceptions to what I am. I always try to jump into me. I am special; I am human; and I am only I am.

Paradigm of Parodies: Paradise, Peril, and Peace by ACE Jaunty is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License

Yes Jah Oui Si Ya!

yes jah oui si ya!
Everywhere I am You are
All that I am is because of You
All that I have is from You
All that I give comes from that which You have given to me
Yes, I am excited to shout

yes jah oui si ya!
No matter the culture, the language, or people
You are always there
Even when I am knowingly wrong
And don’t deserve favor
You are there still blessing me

yes jah oui si ya!
Then I learn more
Then I do more
Then I see more
My actions become contagious
It’s all positive influence

So we all can say
yes jah oui si ya!
Yes Jah, we see You

_______________________________________________

Check out "yes" translation at
http://translate.reference.com/browse/yes



Paradigm of Parodies: Paradise, Peril, and Peace by ACE Jaunty is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Waking up

You ever wake up to the sound of the wind blowing away the dew of the grass? Ever just sit up in bed, gaze out the window just looking at the sweet milky blue scene painted over the houses as the earth turns toward the sun?

It’s one of the most relaxing calms that spare emotions and nothingness matters except the trancelike state you enter as your mind drifts and the blankets and pillows on the bed are the most comfy.

And if you lay there for just a few minutes while the morning breeze graces through the room from the open window, instead of dreading the tasks of the day just relax and be thankful. You had the opportunity to open your eyes and see the light of the day, to feel the warmth of blankets and a gentle breeze, to hear the wind sweep the Earth and rustle nature, to smell the sweet crispness of morning air, and the anticipation to taste peppermint toothpaste and mouthwash. :-)

Sometimes, it is enough to just wake up.

Because it affirms there is purpose in your life.

Paradigm of Parodies: Paradise, Peril, and Peace by ACE Jaunty is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Tune In

I'm tuning in everyday and things are clear
No static, no reruns, no pause for testing
This is no drill, there is no emergency
This is my life
So I point my antennae north
Cause that's how I get such a clear signal
There may be digital, satellite, and cable
But there's no reception like the north direction
Now my guide plays all the good shows
There's always rave reviews
No horror or mystery though
Just comedy, romance, and acceptable drama


Paradigm of Parodies: Paradise, Peril, and Peace by ACE Jaunty is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Godly Blessed Career

Tonight, I discovered how passionate I am about what I do. I spent today at a job fair recruiting engineers for the organization which I am currently a part. In retrospect, I never ever disliked my job or what I do. Often times though, I have forgotten who gave me this job. Back in 2005 when I quit the first job that I had in manufacturing and production I went on vacation. I had no plan…all I knew was that I wanted to travel. One day out of the blue, I get a call from some dude from some company saying that he had my resume and wanted to interview with me. I never applied for the position; I had never heard of the company; I had no desire to stay in South Carolina; and I thought it was a hoax because of the means in which he unfolded to me of how he had received my resume. After a phone interview, followed by a two day wait, dude extended me the position over the phone and offered a site visit for me to meet the people and see if this was indeed a good fit for me. Long story short…I accepted the position and I recognized that this job was God. Only he could have put me there. It is from the premise that I must always be mindful that the route in which my career is going is handled directly by God. How many can say that their career is favored because it is Godly blessed? This is not something I chose, and I am uncertain even now if I had the opportunity to read a job description of what I currently that I would even apply. But God has me in this position with this organization for a reason.
So every task/assignment I get at work…God is behind it,
every time I get thrust into the limelight on a project…God supports me,
every time I do public appearances and speak to crowds of people…God guides the clarity of my words and speech;
every time a sporadic task arises that requires immediate attention…God plants the seed that Angela is able;
every time I feel that this is not for me…
I am reminded that this part of my career is of God and I most rise to complete.

“Discovery of passion in actions is grasping that though it wasn’t you who picked the role; it is you who totally supports the entity. To be grateful for and dedicated to an entity not of your shows passion above measure because you are living another’s mission to completion.”


Paradigm of Parodies: Paradise, Peril, and Peace by ACE Jaunty is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Essence of my Birth Name

No matter how far I go
Away from the eye
Where peace and calmness rest
Out to where calamity occurs
My name pulls me back
It’s stronghold; that’ll never change
For its meaning is strong
Has influence on my being
Brings me back when I’m amongst evil
And a voice speaks to me
Says, “What is your name”
For it’s not just a name for me
It’s a blessing on my life
It brings me back from losing
It brings me back from evil
It brings me back from failure
It brings me back from depression
All I have to do is remember my name
I know from Psalm 139 that God
Gave the name to those
Who spoke the name Angela Renee
Let it be known...she's an angel reborn from Heaven


Paradigm of Parodies: Paradise, Peril, and Peace by ACE Jaunty is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Sleeping Less...

It’s crazy how now I can sleep less and still wake up early. I used to sleep more because I wanted to dream. But now I sit awake because there is so much for me to write. Few will know, but my dreams make my life exciting. People think my multiple international and state side trips made my life exciting. But those trips get drowned out by the monotonous tone of flight attendants and airport announcements and those trips became engulfed with airplane rides on seats so close I can smell what my seat mate had for lunch, engulfed with car road trips listening to radio stations trying to put their twist on the waves that ended showing no creative style to music of our years only music of our hours….ugh! Now my dreams become reality because the ink is making them come alive…now it’s really exciting!


“Well...I am having too much fun with this...this should be a sin!”

Paradigm of Parodies: Paradise, Peril, and Peace by ACE Jaunty is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.